The Advice given by My Father Which Rescued Me during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I think I was simply just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of being a father.

However the actual experience soon proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You're not in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now better used to discussing the pressure on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges dads go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a larger inability to communicate between men, who continue to internalise negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a sign of failure to seek help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the space to request a pause - going on a couple of days overseas, outside of the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "bad decisions" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a New Father

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a friend, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their stories, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I feel like my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."